I’ve stumbled my way through enough presentations at school to know that public speaking is not my friend. So, naturally, my first thought was panic! Speaking in front of people I don’t even know, about something so personal filled me with a sense of trepidation the likes of which I’ve never felt before.
But then my mom told me how it would be Sadqa – e – Jariah if even one person gets inspired by my story, so please…be inspired!
I remember as a kid being forced to read the Quran, being guilt tripped into going through the motions and hating every minute of it, thinking of ways to get out of it. Hoping maulvi sahib won’t be feeling well today.
That was some 17 odd years ago, somehow Allah and I lost touch along the way, like an old friend you suddenly feel very awkward around and look the other way, pretending not to notice them when you run into each other.
MashaAllah everyone at my house prays 5 times a day, I was kinda the odd one out, far from the dutiful daughter, I’ve done a lot of things in my life I’m not proud of. I was the one who probably made people wonder ‘she’s with them??’
It got to the point where I was very despondent, verging on the edge of full on depression. I needed something to change; pronto! Eventually something did change; my perspective. I was no longer angry at everyone and everything, I hope my family will attest to the fact that there has been a change in me, hopefully one that’s permanent. More & more before I do something I find myself wondering if Allah would approve of what I’m about to do, and if not I try to refrain. Notice I use the word ‘try’, I’m still learning the ropes with this whole friendship thing.
Now, I read the Quran because I want to & not because someone is forcing me to. I read the translation & try to understand and remember what I can.
Little steps, but hopefully InshaAllah I’ll get there. At last I’ve found peace.